Don't Pull a Hammy Hoppin' Off

Bill Simmons (AKA the Sports Guy, AKA Tom Brady's Jockstrap, AKA Boston Apologist*) a writer for espn.com, has mentioned in the past about how much he despised the Cowboys in the early to mid-90's (You remember, when they were good) because so many people in his native New England jumped on the Cowboy bandwagon and pretended to be true fans, even though he knew that they were just rooting for the most popular and most successful franchise at the time. When I first read about his hatred for the 'Boys, I thought it was a little silly. I mean come on dude, it's just a team, who cares if your friends and neighbors in Bahston wanted to root for a winner? Well I'm here to say, I hate bandwagon fans and I hate, hate, haaaaaaate bandwagon fans of the New England Patriots.

When I moved to Houston last summer, I was warned about being a Cowboys fan down here. I didn't know what to expect; I had grown up in a place that's Cowboy crazy, and went to college in a town that felt the same bout the 'Boys. Well, Houston's a bit different. It really isn't as bad as I expected, there's actually a decent amount of Cowboy fans, so it's not like I'm the only one out of 2 million people who like them, but we're definitely in the minority. Anyway, the most surprising thing isn't that there aren't a ton of Cowboy fans, and it isn't that there are a lot of Texan and even Saints fans. The most surprising thing is that there is a large population, especially here at Sartartia Middle School, of Patriot fans. Now, I understand that a middle school mind makes about as much sense as the BCS, but for the life of me, I can't understand why anyone who's not from the greater New England area would root for a group of such arrogant, classless individuals. Unfortunately, Pats fans of today are like Cowboy fans of ten years ago and like Yankee fans of always: The only thing that matters is your record: local teams, loyalty, and class be darned. What aggrivates me the most is when the Cowboys lose, I get to hear about it at school, while these spineless 'fans' of the Patriots gloat about how awesome they are, and how they're gonna go undefeated, and blah blah blah. It got to the point that one day, during class, I had a 'Come to Jesus' talk with a couple of boys who were bragging about how good the Patriots are and how bad the Cowboys sucked (Even though they were like 10-1 at the time) What I told them was that they weren't real Patriot fans. When they insisted that they were, I proceeded to explain to them why they weren't real Pat fans. When, during your entire sports-watching life, there's only been one dominant team, latching on to them and claiming to be a fan is easy. There's nothing deep about your loyalty and devotion to that team. For the kids I teach, they were about 7-some younger-in Febuary 2002 when the Pats won their first of three Super Bowls. Tell me, student, do you remember the Patriots and their legacy before they beat the Rams in SB XXXVI? No, Mr Agan, give me a break, I was like five. Well student, here's the deal about your 'favorite' team. They were awful. They went to two Super Bowls EVER before then, getting beat in both of them. They were one of the perenial losers of the NFL, and had a smaller fan base than the Houston Dynamo. No one outside of Boston wanted any part of them, and if Drew Bledsoe didn't get hurt early in the 2001 season, Tom Brady doesn't play, and the whole dynasty never gets off the ground.
Needless to say, my teenage audience was pretty shell-shocked. I mean, I really thought I had gotten through to them, but their only response was, "So? The Cowboys still suck." Faaaantastic.

I guess I shouldn't be too surprised in the bandwagon-ability of middle school students. When I was a student teacher in Abilene, it was the spring of 2006-just weeks after the greatest day in college football history. As great of a time as it was to be a Texas Longhorn fan, I did have to question the loyalty of all the 12 and 13 year olds rocking burnt orange shirts, sweatshirts and jerseys (It was almost comical, every day in class it seemed like half the room was wearing some sort of UT garment.) I'm sure a good portion of them were true fans, but really, how many of them suffered through all the letdowns of previous years? How many of them remembered the Big XII championship against Colorado in 2001? How bout 'Route 66' against UCLA in 1997? (I do-I was there) What about all the losses to Oklahoma and many other late season choke-fests, where one or two more wins would place the Horns among college football's elite?

When it comes down to it, true fans are there in the good times and the bad. If these kids who claim to looooove the Patriots are still rooting for them in a few years when Brady retires, Belicheck loses his edge, Randy Moss gets tired of playing hard, and the Pats are another mediocre team in the NFL, then I apologize, I underestimated their loyalty. However, something tells me that when that day comes, they will have moved on to a second or third 'favorite team' because it's easy and fun to root for a consistent winner. So here's to you, Sports Guy, thirteen years after you were in New England, faithfully suffering through the atrocity that was the Patriots and despising the Cowboys and their bandwagon fans, the tides have turned. For today, here in Texas, a young man who knew of nothing other than Dallas Cowboy Super Bowls as a youngster, seeths at the sight of the Patriots and their young, uninformed, and probably unfaithful, 'fans.'

-Twig

*Editors note: Twig is actually a big fan of Simmons. He reads all of the Sports Guy columns, owns his book, and as soon as the second one hits the shelves, Twig will be first in line to snag a copy. He's just a bit preturbd at the way Simmons defends the Pats and wanted to throw a little jab at the BSG. Also, Twig feels like a complete tool refering to himself in the third person, and promises never to do it again.